Hi everybody! Sorry for not updating the site with comics and/or articles for a while. But trust me, it was worth it so I could write this. Now this did not result because I stopped writing, these events just coincided by pure happenstance. So, ready for my discovery?
A bit ago I found out what it was like to meet and become sexually involved with a stranger on the internet. This is nothing new but I was new to making my computer a sex-box. And, honestly, when something like this happens (especially when something sort of weird happens during it) no one wants to discuss it. Thankfully, I’m here to tell you about my experience “bonin’ with the internet” . I promise this will not be too graphic, unless you want me to describe gay sexual activities to you – in that case Google Image search the previous phrase. But alas, I have little time to digress, on to the business!
So about a month ago I was combing through…y’know what? Fuck it, I’ll be blunt. I decided to use the internet for sex. I wanted to see what it was like; because, apparently, at least according the number of members on dating sites, Fetlife, Craigslist, and countless other places to have risky sex, millions of strangers are meeting and fucking constantly. And that sounded awesome. So I hopped on the internet, made a profile on a site, and talked to strangers. I eventually met one stranger who seemed nice enough and was more or less believably honest about not having an STD and not being a cannibal. So, after a while of thinking, I decided to meet up with him.
The following is an edited account of a moment of my life I am not sure if I should be proud of or regret deeply. But, whatevs.
I left my house one chilly January morning to drive two hours North-West through my state. I was eager because I had never met a stranger on the internet, let alone being prepared to touch their rude parts. After driving the stretch of highway, I arrived at the agreed-upon public place, though an exit too early and had to navigate with the directions of a CVS pharmacy attendant.
Once I walked through the door I realized something was askew. This person, like the majority of cases I had heard of, used pictures that were either 1. old pictures or 2. not the person just someone who looked similar. And I am not trying to put down this person based on how they look, at least I hope I don’t sound like I am. But the person I met was more…rotund than the internet had led me to believe. However, any thought I had of this at the time was suppressed by the mantra I had thought of the moment I arrived in the town:
“I drove two hours to get here. I’m getting my dick wet one way or another.”
The next two hours I spent talking to this person were incredibly shallow. I knew that whatever he told me about himself I would forget soon after because all I cared about was making sure I wouldn’t be murdered. I would like to think he reciprocated this sentiment. We later walked around and eventually he led me to his house. After catching the end of an episode of NCIS we got to business.
This is the sexual part. You can skip over it if you want but I promise only one part of the event will be detailed because it was weird, at least to me. Once we were stripped and were touching, I felated him – felated him well. However, this is where things started to get strange. In the three minutes or so I was sucking his weiner (yeah, I told ya I felated him well) he placed his hand on the back of my head with a commanding eagerness while saying a few phrases such as, “I’m going to cum in like three seconds if you keep that up,” and my personal graphic favorite, “There’s gonna be a lot for you.” Neither the the act nor the dialogue were too strange or but it was just sorta funny (Pro-tip: if you want to not laugh put a dick in your mouth). Now it was time for him to reciprocate.
I’d like to think the episode of NCIS that happened to be on the USA network at the time (out of the all-day marathon) must have been particularly interesting because he watched it during most of the time he was giving me oral. I know nothing puts me in the mood to suck a dick more than seeing Mark Harmon solve the case of yet another dead Naval Officer. The eagerness he had before had suddenly disappeared while my cock was in-mouth and replaced with a half-interested phantom blow job. I was trying to ignore his disinterest by picturing anything I could in my mind’s eye that would get me to ejaculate and for us to move on. But, as I looked up and saw him rubbing my tip while watching a glorified cop drama, I realized I had to think harder.
Happy, this is where I will stop describing dirty things.
Once everything was finished, I walked to my van and began the two hour drive home. It gave me time to think. Think about why I spent damn near $25 dollars in gas to meet up with someone who just wanted to ejaculate with assistance, think about what motivated me to want to use the internet, and why I was even considered this path in the first place. More so, I just thought about how dumb a decision it was and how weird it was of me to complain that he was selfish in a sexual regard when I could have just been murdered, as I had feared earlier. Once the thought of fear crept into my head, though, I dreaded that I had contracted Herpes or Chlamydia or “The HIV”.
I did learn a few things from it. At least I think I did. I hope I did. I found out that 1. the internet makes hooking up easy, like really really easy 2. people lie on the internet (you never know until you confirm it for yourself) and 3. … Sure, the events of that day made me question myself and my feelings towards courtesy, trust, and reciprocation, but I got to see what it was like to touch a complete stranger, even if he wasn’t the “best” stranger. I have regrets about the day, honestly I do. But the day is foggy and will only dissipate completely into vapor with nothing to remind me except for this. So in short, I hooked up with a stranger and all I got was this lousy story, and thank fuckin’ Krishna at least it wasn’t an STD.
Wrap it and tap it,
Glenn Earth.
P.S. Hopefully we will update more after this. I will make it a point to write in weeks in where we have no comics or other content.
